Future Bride Dealing With A Stressful Situation

Dear Reva,

I am having a really hard time with planning what should be the best day of my life. I am getting married next year. My fiancé and I have all the details taken care of. We have the church and reception hall booked, along with the DJ, and photographer. We are making our own favors. We bought our rings, and ordered the cake. It’s all done! Finished with no problems! Well, except for one….

Our bridal party….. We sat down awhile ago and talked it out and decided who would be in it. I chose my sister, his sister, two cousins and a long time friend. He, let’s call him Jake, chose his two brothers, two friends and a cousin.

The problem is I want another person in the wedding. She’s a dear friend of mine.
Jake said, “We already have 10 people standing up with us and that’s enough.” He doesn’t want any more. He also made a comment at one point that he didn’t know anyone else who he wanted to stand up for us. I am heartbroken because my friend who is in the wedding, me, and the girl I want to be in the wedding were best friends growing up. I said his sister should be in it because I wanted her in it, but mostly because she’s family. But, I would rather my friend be in it if that’s the case (can only have 10 people).
What do I do?

Sincerely,
Confused Bride-to-be

Dear Confused Bride -to-be,

I don’t think you are really confused at all. I think you want to make everyone happy, like the rest of the world. But, it doesn’t always happen. My sincere advice, and please take this advice through your marriage, teach it to your kids, and live happily……This is a simple case of talkin’ it out, Baby! You know what you want; now you need to let Jake know what you want. If you can’t do it now with something like this, how will you be able to discuss really BIG issues you’ll have when you are married.

Ok, how to?
1. Let Jake know how serious you are. Don’t simply flamboyantly mention it in passing.
Tell him in the morning you have something serious you want to sit down and discuss with him later, like at dinner. (He’ll be “itching” to know what it is all day.)

2. When you sit down to talk, Sit up straight, arms, including elbows lying parallel to your body in front of you, and look into those beautiful baby blues (or browns).

3. Start with a compliment or simply something positive. But make sure it’s factual. I am not trying to teach how to get what you want; I am trying to teach you to effectively communicate. Husbands need to know they aren’t being attacked or that you aren’t simply complaining. Something like…”I know we have everything in place for the wedding, and I am really happy with it all, especially your willingness to help me…Now I need your help with one more thing…” (All factual, gentle, positive, and it sets you up for a gentle response even if it isn’t what you are hoping for.)

4. Then, tell him you’d like one more person in the wedding.

5. Express its importance to you. (Ask him to hear you out if he interrupts.)

6. Know some options especially if Jake doesn’t want another guy standing up for him. Here are some I have seen/heard of before……
*Have your maid or matron of honor walk w/o an escort.
*Have 2 bridesmaids walk w/ the last groomsman- one on each arm…He’ll feel very cool.
*Have some people in mind to recommend to Jake to choose.
*Have 2 maids/matrons of honor to walk w/ best man.
*Have men standing at alter w/ Jake, ladies walk down alone, so they walk w/ the guys ONLY back up the aisle.

I am hoping Jake hears your heart, and decides to allow one more bridesmaid. Please, though at the same time, hear his heart and reasoning if he’s dead-set against it. There may be more to it than he doesn’t have anyone else to ask. Also keep in mind, that you already asked his sister to be in the wedding. It is highly inappropriate and rude to ask her to step down. (Not that you would.) If you don’t have your friend in the wedding you can always ask her to do a reading in the service or help out in another fashion.

Hope this helps and I hope you live Happily Ever After……
Reva

Future Bride Dealing With A Stressful Situation

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